Thanks for you email Neil.
It sounds like you have reached quite a significant point in your life, and are facing up to a number of very important questions.
You say that you want God in your life but that “so far nothing” - I’m not sure that I understand exactly what you mean by that, or what you are expecting, but can I suggest that your very desire to have God in your life, and to find purpose and to turn away from a sinful way of living and to be a “good trustworthy human being” is, in fact, the Spirit of God beginning to be at work in your life. Don’t give up, keep praying.
You say that you want God in your life. The key to having God in your life is to have Jesus in your life.
There is a lot of stuff on this website that explains what this means and how to do it, so let me say the following by way of a very brief summary.
First, pray that Jesus would accept you for who you are, pray that he would forgive you for the ways you have been selfish and sinful, pray that he would give you the strength to change the way you live.
Second, seek to place yourself under Jesus’ teaching, under his leadership, by reading the Bible (perhaps starting with the ‘New Testament’ section with one of the gospels - Matthew, Mark, Luke or John) and putting it into practice in your life.
Finally, find a group of like-minded people - find a church that will help you understand the Bible, a church that will encourage you to pray and also pray for you, a church that takes seriously the task of living with Jesus as their Lord.
Keep perservering Neil. I am confident that your search for God will not be fruitless.
God sent Jesus to seek and save the lost, and Jesus promises that those who seek him will find him.