Gee Darren, it sounds like you’re living a hard life. Now I have heard stories about people who have similar stories to you, becoming Christians and like a flash their addictions are gone. However, most of us don’t have this kind of experience, we pray that God would take our sins, our habits, our addictions away, but they’re always therem, niggling at us. It is always easier to slip back, I think it was Oscar Wilde who said the easiest way to get rid of temptation is to give in. But you’ve tried that route and you know it’s not what you want.
What I have to suggest is the right action but it is not easy.
In Ephesians 6, Paul uses a powerful image of making a stand against the demonic powers that assail us. The armour of God is the salvation we have in Christ due to his death on the cross on our behalf. And the weapon that we use is the sword of the spirit, the Word of God. This may be a great image for you, but what does it all mean? It’s actually a summing up of what Paul has said to that point in the whole letter. Paul says a similar thing in Titus 2:11-14:
For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good. We no longer belong to the sins of our past, we are saved by grace.
We are taught by our salvation to say"NO” to ungodly living. Saying no isn’t that hard. And yet it’s the hardest thing in the world to do, isn’t it? Yet God doesn’t leave us alone to struggle. God has given us a gift, his church. Christians NEED to rely on each other as we rely on God, in our struggle with sin. So Darren, I suggest you go to your pastor or to a member of the church you trust. This might scare the life out of you, but you need to ask them for help. You may need D & A counselling, your pastor can put you in touch with someone. If you feel up to it tell some other trusted Christian friends. The more a problem like you have is out in the open, the easier it becomes to deal with. Sin thrives when you’re alone, in secret. But when it’s brought into the light, when it’s exposed, it dies. When you have others who can support you (and who you can support through their issues) you have people praying for you, asking you how you’re going, caring for you.
Let me leave you with my favourite verses from Rom 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor deamons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in creation , will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jeus our Lord
So keep your eyes on God, pray to him, keep on saying No and get other to help for we look forward to the time when we are with Jesus and we will be free from our sin and temptation.