Hi Stefania

Thank you for being open about this. I pray that these few Bible references may be of some help for you and your fiancé.

Your attraction to your fiancé is natural and a God given good thing. God created man and woman to be united together emotionally, sexually and relationally as they serve Him. Genesis 2:20-24 makes clear that sex is a good part of God’s creation, however, it was created exclusively for marriage. This means that sex outside of marriage, whether it is pre-marital sex or adultery or otherwise is rejecting God’s design for sex and is sin. [Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5]

The Bible is silent on other matters like hugging or oral sex and whether these things are within the boundaries of ‘sexual immorality’. However, given oral sex is called oral ‘sex’, I would think it’s right to consider it as something to be shared within and confined only to the marriage relationship. It’s a good and right thing that you are abstaining from sexual intercourse until you are married, but I think the Bible points us to the conclusion that you should also abstain from oral sex too. Not only is this the loving thing to do, it is what God wants from you and your relationship until you are married.

I guess the question is what should you do now? Well I think there are a couple of things. Firstly, as Christians, when we sin, a right response to our sin is to repent of it and turn back to God. The good news is if our trust is in Jesus, God forgives our sin, because Jesus died for it. [1 John 1:8-2:2]

Secondly, in 1 Corinthians 6:18 Paul says ‘Flee sexual immorality’. So with that in mind, it would be good to put boundaries in place so you and your fiancé aren’t put in tempting situations in the future. It’s better to stay clear of those situations than to be constantly battling with temptation and risk giving into it. [see also 1 Thess 4:3-4]

Thirdly, I know your fiancé is still at university, but maybe you could consider getting married sooner rather than having an extended engagement. As Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:9 ‘it’s better to marry than burn in passion’. While it may not be easy financially, in Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus says not to worry about our money, because God will provide us with what we need. Instead we should ‘seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.’

I pray you find this is helpful as you seek to serve the Lord Jesus. I also pray that God will bless your marriage, and that in it you will bring honour to his name as you serve Him together.

Yours in Christ