I’m so sorry that things seem to be going so bad for you and I will pray for you as well as answer some of your concerns.
Let me first say that God will NEVER desert you. You may feel he is far away but the reality is that he is always close to those who love him.
I always remember the promise God gives us in Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him”. Now sometimes its hard to know what good can come out of a bad situation. You may never know what it was God was doing but trust that he is doing you good!! Sometimes the good is a hard lesson that needs to be learned, some sort of discipline, but even here it is an act of love because God disciplines those he loves as sons - Hebrews 12:7-13. Leter it “produces a harvest of righteousness and peace”.
It is important to know these things and remember them and out your trust in these promises of God. This after all is what it means to put your faith in God.
However there are some practical things that you can do to help you.
The first is to read the bible and pray. In times of trouble I like to read the Psalms. They show me how other people turn to God in the hard times that they were in. Have a look at Ps 22, 31, 37, 38, 46, 51. See how the writer is not scared to speak their fears and troubles to God and God answers them. Read them and then pray to God in the same way, telling God how you feel, asking him for help and waiting on him.
The second thing you can do is meet with people who can help you. God has given us a family of his people to be with. They know how hard it is to be a Christian and God has given them to you to help you to cope. So choose one or two people that you trust to talk to and talk to them. Ask them to pray with you and help you. If they are truely Christian then they will be willing to help.
I hope this little bit helps you. Keep on going for God is helping you to get there. Get back to me if you want to.
Your Brother in Christ